Sunday, January 29, 2012

Monday, May 9, 2011

We Remember Peter McWilliams: the video (finally)

Finally, the video is out and about in the Internet World.

I think it's the neatest thing when people who really knew and loved Peter

end up loving my video too.

If you're on Youtube, please add me.
Sorry this isn't much of a blog-I want the focus to be on the video.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Patience Paying Off?

What I thought would take a few months, grew into nearly a whole year of work, delays, discoveries....

Looking back, when I first began this tribute video in Peter's honour and memory, I got so frustrated! I wanted everything to happen right then and there. I asked for some help and this talented videographer agreed to provide it.  But he was swamped!! 

I thought I had it all planned out perfectly until a friend suggested I add video footage.  I couldn't believe it! I was practically done with this video and he said that! But I never let go of his idea. I loved it.  I thought this was only going to be a slide show, but this idea was so much better..

Over the next few months I kept receiving a different photo, courtesy of someone very close to Peter (who knows who she is!!) and that in and of itself was so wonderful!! I never knew what photo would arrive next. 

And the recording of the song......I thought I had it all figured out until a very smart friend named Daniel said, hey, the strings could sound better than this....

And trying to obtain rights to use the videos.....finally receiving it....let's not forget trying to get someone "big" to provide a voice over. That went nowhere fast.  But then it opened me up to the idea of using the best voice-over person ever for this job. (Stay tuned).

And if I had rushed this, I wouldn't have had the relaxed approach of being able to ask trusted friends, "What do you think of this?" and "What should I change, if anything?" and being able to take that advice to heart. 

So you see my friends sometimes patience truly is a virtue, and Peter believed in "faithing"-believing that everything works out. And in this case it most certainly has.  I am in the middle of a delirious daze.

I just hope and trust that this video will serve sweet Peter's memory right. I hope the patience has paid off. And I hope this video will enter your room and your heart and you will hopefully enjoy it as much as I patiently and not so patiently at times, tried to put it together :)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

The First Time I spoke about Peter 4.20.11

Terribly shy, my pink dress and I appeared at my very first rally ever, on April 20, aka 420. A policeman on a bicycle smiled at me, as I walked around the Washington Monument, trying to find the group I was to march with.

Mr. Henry Hemp appeared, jumping around in his green hat, a leaf, he was so enthusiastic, I admired his energy.  I was introduced to him and he was so nice to me.
Suddenly, Dana A. appeared, and I couldn't believe it!! And Marie as well.  It felt good to meet some online friends in real life.  It was surreal but really cool.  "Stop hiding your eyes with your hat!" I was told, "you have such pretty eyes!" 

I was clinging to my poster of Peter.  "We Remember Peter McWilliams, 1949-2000" it said.  "Who is that?" several people asked. I couldn't believe they did not know who he was, and still be in this Movement, but then again, just two short years ago I didn't know either!

"You're such a pretty girl!" I was told, and it made me feel shyer. I kept pulling my hat down over my eyes. 
As the group grew, we moved down the hill, and I couldn't believe it, two men, before my eyes, were arrested for possession of pot. One of the men kept looking right at me and I looked back at him, quite upset. I wish I could have hugged him.  They were taken away, and Mr. Hemp calmed the crowd as we began our march.

Oh boy! I had never been to a rally or a march before, and I got to be right up front, sort of.  Talisha from Hempfest was walking to my left. We carried a banner that kept getting the best of us by blowing the wrong way. We passed by people who snapped photos of us.  A security guard gave us a thumbs up. A bus driver did too. Waves of emotion overcame me. A nice guy to my left asked, "What chant should we start?" And I shyly responded, "Legalize it Now!" And the whole group started chanting, I couldn't believe it, they picked MY chant? Then I came up with "Free the Weed" and "It's Just Pot". The guy to my left was great.  I wish I could remember his name.
It was the neatest thing, being escorted by a police car through the streets. I wondered, was this similar to what the protesters in the sixties experienced? 

We finally arrived at Lafayette Park.  

There were a few speakers before me. I marveled at their courage, conviction, and got a little more nervous.

Finally I was to begin and I nervously walked up the stairs, but I was flanked by two strong and sweet women, Ms. Rebecca and Ms. Marie.  Ms. Marie agreed to hold my Peter Poster as I spoke.  I took the microphone and trembled.  I informed the crowd how shy I was, and the first row of women yelled out "You're beautiful!" I felt like the colours of my dress: a blushing pink, a ghostly white. 

I again informed the crowd, that I was shy, but "A wise man once wrote, comfort zones are expanded through discomfort" and I felt the crowd's laugh.

Then I began speaking, not in these exact words..Peter McWilliams was an amazing man..I just discovered him two years ago, his book 'You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought' cured my depression...Peter was an amazing author-New York Times best-seller, he published over 40 books, even before the Internet was cool....his poetry could make anyone gush...he was always trying to help people, he helped disabled people learn computers, he tried to help people heal from loss, "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" has sold over 3 million copies...that's a lot of broken hearts getting healed..he went through his own depression and helped others by co-writing books on depression and St. John's Wort.."  and then I began the sad part...In March 1996 Peter was diagnosed with both AIDS and Cancer...he found that medicinal marijuana was the only thing keeping his meds down...

Suddenly out of nowhere some man looked right at me, and screamed, "You're STUPID!" That was really hard for me to hear, as I have been teased a lot in my life. I wanted to stop, I remember saying to Ms. Rebecca, under my breath, "I can't do this," and she told me I could keep going. "I'M NOT STUPID, I LOVE PETER!!!" I yelled right back at him.  I couldn't believe that came out of my mouth! Where did that strength come from? I felt like Peter had visited me, perhaps
spoken through me at that moment, because that angry man kept ranting and I suddenly spoke louder, I felt like I was yelling, I got so choked up talking about how sick Peter was, how the government denied him medicinal marijuana, how he died at the young age of 50, way too soon and how I will never get to meet or thank him or hug him and how unfair that is. Then I told the crowd I am a non-smoker who supports legalization, decriminalization.  The ranting man left, thank goodness, and I felt better. "I am more of an archivist, not an anarchist!" I said, and then realized I screwed up and meant to say "activist." The crowd laughed along with me.  I brought up other names: I said we need to free Mr. Emery who "has become a Dad to me," the crowd cheered.  And Free Mr. (woops, Reverend) Eddy Lepp; the crowd cheered more,  and Mr. Rick Simpson, who should "be allowed to do his thing." They cheered the loudest now. Then I asked the crowd if they could do me a favour. I said, I think Peter's Mama is watching this, and I call her Mama too. On the count of three, say HI MAMA! One, two, three, and the whole crowd yelled, HI MAMA! and I yelled I love you Mama, I love you Peter!!! And that was that.

I came off stage, wanting to throw up, I felt like I had spent every strand of energy I had within me.
I was embraced by several nice people, including "Kush" who was one of the chief organizers. Throughout the rest of the day, Kush kept mentioning my speech from the stage-how much I inspired him.  He had embraced me when I got offstage and he made me cry with his wonderful words...

Some man came up to me, "I suffer from depression, thank you so much for speaking about that!" and another person, and another. One man told me his neck had been paralyzed, and just the title of Peter's book, "You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought," helped him through a painful recovery.

People came up to me throughout the day that had not heard me speak. They asked me who was Peter. They wanted to know who this handsome guy was.  After all I had his photo blown up to 18 X 24 size. 

This experience was so amazing for me.   I love speaking out and about Peter. I'd love to do it again. And I thank that heckler, because he showed me I have the strength inside me to speak.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Paul Krassner: McWilliams Remembered

McWilliams Remembered
By: Paul Krassner (thank you, Paul!)

Peter McWilliams has been dead for over a decade. I don't believe in an afterlife, but his legacy as a prolific author serves as one. Countless readers of his work continue to be awakened and influenced by his information and insights. With empathy and wit, he helped close the gap between the value systems of mainstream society and the counterculture.

For those of us who knew him, the loss had an extra dimension. He was a generous friend, gifting me in 1984 with my first computer. My anthology, Pot Stories For the Soul, published by HIGH TIMES, began: “This book is dedicated to Peter McWilliams, whose creative and compassionate leadership in the medical marijuana movement has continued to be inspiring and invigorating.” 

He was so pleased that the collection was the winner of the Firecracker Alternative Book Award and also became a Quality Paperback Book Club selection. And when attorneys for the authors of Chicken Soup For the Soul sent a warning “cease and desist” letter, I recall his uproarious laughter when I observed, "Even though theologians and scientists alike don't know where the soul resides, it can be copyrighted."

My wife Nancy and I used to drive up to Peter's home at the top of a hill in Los Angeles, then order Chinese food and watch The Daily Show with Jon Stewart on his gigantic TV screen. We attended his courtroom appearances and perceived the way ambitious, puritan prosecutors were prone to use him as a stepping stone to advance their own careers.

At an anti-prohibition rally on the lawn of the Federal Building in Los Angeles, I introduced him to Dennis Peron, who became co-author of Prop. 215 -- the "Compassionate Use Act" of 1996 -- a California law legalizing medical use of cannabis. Peter suffered from AIDS and cancer.

“Something that a lot of people don’t realize,” he told me, “is that when you smoke marijuana regularly -- several times a day -- it loses its euphoric effect. The medical benefits continue–-relief of nausea, pain (physical or emotional), spasticity, excessive eye pressure (glaucoma) and so on -- but the euphoric effects go away. While I was using marijuana to treat my nausea, I can’t tell you how much I missed getting high.

“Although I’d smoke it several times a day, the average high school student was getting high more times a month than I was. That’s because after the first month, I never got high, and I really enjoy marijuana’s high. Simply put, recreational marijuana you use to get high; medical marijuana you use to get by.”

When Peter got arrested -- and was forced to stop taking his medicine -- he hoped to be sentenced to home detention with an ankle bracelet for electronic monitoring, while simultaneously trying to prepare himself for five years’ incarceration in a federal prison. Two months before he was due to be sentenced, he was found dead in his bathtub. He had died from asphyxiation, choking to death on his own vomit.

I told this to Ken Kesey, and, with his uncanny ability to cross-fertilize compassion with irreverence, he responded, “Well, I would rather choke on my own vomit than on somebody else’s.”
That year, at the National Libertarian Party convention -- where presidential candidate Harry Browne came out firmly for decriminalization of marijuana -- Peter became the posthumous winner of their Champion of Liberty Award. He remains in my life as a touchstone of integrity and a practitioner of enthusiasm
During the last year of his life, we began collaborating on a screenplay about cyber war, his concept of a movie which has turned out to be prescient, as indicated by a recently published book, Cyber War: The Next Threat to National Security and What to Do About It, by Richard Clarke, former Special Advisor to the President on cyber security. I’m sure that Peter’s ashes swirled with delight in his urn when the truth behind international charades and criminality was revealed by WikiLeaks.

Ironically, science-fiction writer Harlan Ellison wrote an anti-marijuana introduction to Pot Stories For the Soul, available at

Thursday, December 30, 2010

2010: Reflection, Renaissance & Renewed interest in All things Peter!

Auld Lang Syne Time. A time to party hearty? Perhaps. A time for reflection? For me, definitely.  

When 2010 began, I was already deeply immersed in Peter's book, "You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought" which has helped change my life with thunderous force. This was my introduction to Peter McWilliams.  And I haven't been the same, since.

The very first thing I read about Peter was the Wikipedia article about him.   Who was this great writer, I wondered? I wanted to write Peter to thank him.  Alas, the first line of this article stunned, shocked and saddened me: "Peter McWilliams WAS......."  I stumbled through this sad sentence.  My heart could go no further.  I felt as if I had lost someone so achingly close to me. I began sobbing my eyes out.   I was so angry that one with a brain so brilliant, and a heart so happy, and a life so lively, could be dead so young, so terribly and tragically.

It was in that moment, when I first saw Peter's photo, and that  impish grin of his, decked out in a swanky suit...Within that hurried heartbeat, I felt this overwhelming desire to do something, anything, to honour this man.

On January 3rd, Peter's Page on Myspace was born. Surely, not everyone was thrilled with my desire to remember Peter, but those people are so few and far in between and not worth dwelling upon. So, I forged forward, and resolved never to give up in my quest to honour Peter. 

I hungered for any information that I could find. I combed every nook and cranny of Google.. sweetly stumbling upon the marvelous, beautifully blunt and brilliant Paul Krassner, who from the very beginning, showed me encouragement, support and humour.  I could see why Peter was so taken with Paul's writings.  Also, Peter's longtime friend and co-writer Harold Bloomfield, kindly granted me a fairly extensive interview about Peter, his own demons which he battled with dignity...also I re-posted pieces by Harry S. Browne, William F. Buckley (both, may they rest in peace), and also pieces by fans along the likes of the lovable and talented Rocky Frisco, who had written his own tribute; Brian Wright, who has written many a blog about Peter and who has shown me so much encouragement through it all.. and also the musings of Rogier van Bakel who posted a most excellent tribute to Peter by naming his own blog "Ain't Nobody's Business.."  And of course, the award-winning writer, Jennifer Brown Banks, who shares my giddy crush on Peter. Always a kind word she gives.  There are other wonderful writers who have allowed me to re-post their Peter pieces; who have accepted me, and I am so grateful for all of their creative input, and kindnesses. I don't want to leave anyone out so no one is-all are thanked profusely on Peter's Page Myspace.

Peter's Page became one of the most searched sites for Peter, on Google, consistently in the top 7 for 2010. I put a lot of energy and heart into the page.  This Fall, Peter's Page Facebook was born. And the daily quote page, which has helped brighten peoples' lives, I am told! 

A blog, began here, to honour Peter, and a Youtube site, 
as well which will soon be home to a special video tribute honouring Peter's life, bravery and works.  And for those who don't already feel  "Peter'ed out" yet,  I wrote, "Still: A Prayer for Peter McWilliams"  which is slowly but surely garnering airplay in the US and Canada. The message is simple. Educate people about Peter through song! I am very grateful to the amazing dj's that keep spinning "Still." You all know who you are because I thank you all the time. :)

I've met so many beautiful fans of Peter, too. People like giving me nicknames and the ones I have been dubbed that I love the most are:  "Peter's Biographer" (thanks, Glenn!); "The Curator of the Peter McWilliams Museum (thanks Steve!) and my personal favourite, "Peter's Angel" (thanks Dave and Raj!)  

Amazing when I think, this all began with a Wikipedia article about Peter. Through my tears.  And at the end of 2010, all the Peter Pages I've begun are now mentioned in the same's come full circle. 

I am grateful for every single moment 2010 has brought.  I'd like to think of 2010 as being a brilliant Renaissance; a McWilliams Movement; a Renewed Interest in all things Peter. 

My goal is to help preserve, protect and promote Peter's legacy and life. And to those lovely hearts who feel I'm doing well in this endeavour, I thank you. Your passion will always propel mine.

I love Peter. And I love you.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Moon and Me

Alone, I shivered, scoping the star-swept skies for signs of change.  My eyes settled upon the prize. 

The moon stood above me, and I felt comforted within her cocoon of silky softness. 

I stood outside at a ridiculous hour to view the lunar eclipse.  The last time a full lunar eclipse happened was over four hundred years ago. I didn't want to miss this one.  

My neck started to speak to me; since the accident the pain has come and gone but at this inconvenient moment, the pain spoke to me with resounding force.   It was then I chose not to let the pain win.  I wanted this moment, and I wanted it to myself.  I could not really look up at the moon very much because it hurt too much.  So I ended up lying down on the cold ground with a good pair of binoculars and some calming cocoa.

Peter talks about expanding our comfort zones; and sometimes that it all might be uncomfortable. This certainly was, but I knew my discomfort was nothing compared to what I was about to witness. We have the rest of our lives to spend slumbering, why not be awake now in this moment?

I felt a little lonely.  I wished I had a special one to whom I could snuggle with, closely.  Someone to watch this with. But then I thought about the lessons of Peter's LOVE 101.  I did not truly need someone there to be with, for I had myself.  But how could I truly be lonely? The serene stars surrounding me were my friends.  The sultry wind was my friend.  The moon was my friend.  And I knew somewhere on the brightest side of Heaven, Peter must have been watching the eclipse too.  I wasn't alone at all.  

I realized how lucky I was to experience this. No neighbours around for they were all slumbering sweetly in their beds.  Too drowsy to delight in this spectacle. And I had this night all to myself!  I owned the night.

A dark spec of charcoal swept across the Moon. Bit by bit, this charcoal colour swallowed the Moon.  One tiny sliver of white light prevailed, until the Moon became crowned in crimson!  What a spectacle.  It stirred my senses.

My neck began speaking again.  When the pain got to be too much, I thought of those who do not have the vision to see such a thing.  I thought of those who are too much in pain to be able to walk outside and view such a thing. And I thought of all those cozy couples-cozy, content, but asleep and missing such a masterpiece.  No dazzling ring a man could slip on my finger could ever compare to the dazzling ring around this moon! I was not lonely after all.

The joy of watching this, and sharing this experience with myself was enough.  Because of Peter's writings I am learning that just me is enough.  Just the moon and me.

Thank you Peter.