McWilliams Remembered
By: Paul Krassner (thank you, Paul!)
Peter McWilliams has been dead for over a decade. I don't believe in an afterlife, but his legacy as a prolific author serves as one. Countless readers of his work continue to be awakened and influenced by his information and insights. With empathy and wit, he helped close the gap between the value systems of mainstream society and the counterculture.
For those of us who knew him, the loss had an extra dimension. He was a generous friend, gifting me in 1984 with my first computer. My anthology, Pot Stories For the Soul, published by HIGH TIMES, began: “This book is dedicated to Peter McWilliams, whose creative and compassionate leadership in the medical marijuana movement has continued to be inspiring and invigorating.”
He was so pleased that the collection was the winner of the Firecracker Alternative Book Award and also became a Quality Paperback Book Club selection. And when attorneys for the authors of Chicken Soup For the Soul sent a warning “cease and desist” letter, I recall his uproarious laughter when I observed, "Even though theologians and scientists alike don't know where the soul resides, it can be copyrighted."
My wife Nancy and I used to drive up to Peter's home at the top of a hill in Los Angeles, then order Chinese food and watch The Daily Show with Jon Stewart on his gigantic TV screen. We attended his courtroom appearances and perceived the way ambitious, puritan prosecutors were prone to use him as a stepping stone to advance their own careers.
At an anti-prohibition rally on the lawn of the Federal Building in Los Angeles, I introduced him to Dennis Peron, who became co-author of Prop. 215 -- the "Compassionate Use Act" of 1996 -- a California law legalizing medical use of cannabis. Peter suffered from AIDS and cancer.
“Something that a lot of people don’t realize,” he told me, “is that when you smoke marijuana regularly -- several times a day -- it loses its euphoric effect. The medical benefits continue–-relief of nausea, pain (physical or emotional), spasticity, excessive eye pressure (glaucoma) and so on -- but the euphoric effects go away. While I was using marijuana to treat my nausea, I can’t tell you how much I missed getting high.
“Although I’d smoke it several times a day, the average high school student was getting high more times a month than I was. That’s because after the first month, I never got high, and I really enjoy marijuana’s high. Simply put, recreational marijuana you use to get high; medical marijuana you use to get by.”
When Peter got arrested -- and was forced to stop taking his medicine -- he hoped to be sentenced to home detention with an ankle bracelet for electronic monitoring, while simultaneously trying to prepare himself for five years’ incarceration in a federal prison. Two months before he was due to be sentenced, he was found dead in his bathtub. He had died from asphyxiation, choking to death on his own vomit.
I told this to Ken Kesey, and, with his uncanny ability to cross-fertilize compassion with irreverence, he responded, “Well, I would rather choke on my own vomit than on somebody else’s.”
That year, at the National Libertarian Party convention -- where presidential candidate Harry Browne came out firmly for decriminalization of marijuana -- Peter became the posthumous winner of their Champion of Liberty Award. He remains in my life as a touchstone of integrity and a practitioner of enthusiasm
During the last year of his life, we began collaborating on a screenplay about cyber war, his concept of a movie which has turned out to be prescient, as indicated by a recently published book, Cyber War: The Next Threat to National Security and What to Do About It, by Richard Clarke, former Special Advisor to the President on cyber security. I’m sure that Peter’s ashes swirled with delight in his urn when the truth behind international charades and criminality was revealed by WikiLeaks.
Ironically, science-fiction writer Harlan Ellison wrote an anti-marijuana introduction to Pot Stories For the Soul, available at paulkrassner.com.
my blog dedicated to Peter McWilliams
Monday, January 24, 2011
Thursday, December 30, 2010
2010: Reflection, Renaissance & Renewed interest in All things Peter!
Auld Lang Syne Time. A time to party hearty? Perhaps. A time for reflection? For me, definitely.
When 2010 began, I was already deeply immersed in Peter's book, "You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought" which has helped change my life with thunderous force. This was my introduction to Peter McWilliams. And I haven't been the same, since.
The very first thing I read about Peter was the Wikipedia article about him. Who was this great writer, I wondered? I wanted to write Peter to thank him. Alas, the first line of this article stunned, shocked and saddened me: "Peter McWilliams WAS......." I stumbled through this sad sentence. My heart could go no further. I felt as if I had lost someone so achingly close to me. I began sobbing my eyes out. I was so angry that one with a brain so brilliant, and a heart so happy, and a life so lively, could be dead so young, so terribly and tragically.
It was in that moment, when I first saw Peter's photo, and that impish grin of his, decked out in a swanky suit...Within that hurried heartbeat, I felt this overwhelming desire to do something, anything, to honour this man.
On January 3rd, Peter's Page on Myspace was born. Surely, not everyone was thrilled with my desire to remember Peter, but those people are so few and far in between and not worth dwelling upon. So, I forged forward, and resolved never to give up in my quest to honour Peter.
I hungered for any information that I could find. I combed every nook and cranny of Google.. sweetly stumbling upon the marvelous, beautifully blunt and brilliant Paul Krassner, who from the very beginning, showed me encouragement, support and humour. I could see why Peter was so taken with Paul's writings. Also, Peter's longtime friend and co-writer Harold Bloomfield, kindly granted me a fairly extensive interview about Peter, his own demons which he battled with dignity...also I re-posted pieces by Harry S. Browne, William F. Buckley (both, may they rest in peace), and also pieces by fans along the likes of the lovable and talented Rocky Frisco, who had written his own tribute; Brian Wright, who has written many a blog about Peter and who has shown me so much encouragement through it all.. and also the musings of Rogier van Bakel who posted a most excellent tribute to Peter by naming his own blog "Ain't Nobody's Business.." And of course, the award-winning writer, Jennifer Brown Banks, who shares my giddy crush on Peter. Always a kind word she gives. There are other wonderful writers who have allowed me to re-post their Peter pieces; who have accepted me, and I am so grateful for all of their creative input, and kindnesses. I don't want to leave anyone out so no one is-all are thanked profusely on Peter's Page Myspace.
Peter's Page became one of the most searched sites for Peter, on Google, consistently in the top 7 for 2010. I put a lot of energy and heart into the page. This Fall, Peter's Page Facebook was born. And the daily quote page, which has helped brighten peoples' lives, I am told!
A blog, began here, to honour Peter, and a Youtube site,
as well which will soon be home to a special video tribute honouring Peter's life, bravery and works. And for those who don't already feel "Peter'ed out" yet, I wrote, "Still: A Prayer for Peter McWilliams" which is slowly but surely garnering airplay in the US and Canada. The message is simple. Educate people about Peter through song! I am very grateful to the amazing dj's that keep spinning "Still." You all know who you are because I thank you all the time. :)
I've met so many beautiful fans of Peter, too. People like giving me nicknames and the ones I have been dubbed that I love the most are: "Peter's Biographer" (thanks, Glenn!); "The Curator of the Peter McWilliams Museum (thanks Steve!) and my personal favourite, "Peter's Angel" (thanks Dave and Raj!)
Amazing when I think, this all began with a Wikipedia article about Peter. Through my tears. And at the end of 2010, all the Peter Pages I've begun are now mentioned in the same article...it's come full circle.
I am grateful for every single moment 2010 has brought. I'd like to think of 2010 as being a brilliant Renaissance; a McWilliams Movement; a Renewed Interest in all things Peter.
My goal is to help preserve, protect and promote Peter's legacy and life. And to those lovely hearts who feel I'm doing well in this endeavour, I thank you. Your passion will always propel mine.
I love Peter. And I love you.
~Julia
When 2010 began, I was already deeply immersed in Peter's book, "You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought" which has helped change my life with thunderous force. This was my introduction to Peter McWilliams. And I haven't been the same, since.
The very first thing I read about Peter was the Wikipedia article about him. Who was this great writer, I wondered? I wanted to write Peter to thank him. Alas, the first line of this article stunned, shocked and saddened me: "Peter McWilliams WAS......." I stumbled through this sad sentence. My heart could go no further. I felt as if I had lost someone so achingly close to me. I began sobbing my eyes out. I was so angry that one with a brain so brilliant, and a heart so happy, and a life so lively, could be dead so young, so terribly and tragically.
It was in that moment, when I first saw Peter's photo, and that impish grin of his, decked out in a swanky suit...Within that hurried heartbeat, I felt this overwhelming desire to do something, anything, to honour this man.
On January 3rd, Peter's Page on Myspace was born. Surely, not everyone was thrilled with my desire to remember Peter, but those people are so few and far in between and not worth dwelling upon. So, I forged forward, and resolved never to give up in my quest to honour Peter.
I hungered for any information that I could find. I combed every nook and cranny of Google.. sweetly stumbling upon the marvelous, beautifully blunt and brilliant Paul Krassner, who from the very beginning, showed me encouragement, support and humour. I could see why Peter was so taken with Paul's writings. Also, Peter's longtime friend and co-writer Harold Bloomfield, kindly granted me a fairly extensive interview about Peter, his own demons which he battled with dignity...also I re-posted pieces by Harry S. Browne, William F. Buckley (both, may they rest in peace), and also pieces by fans along the likes of the lovable and talented Rocky Frisco, who had written his own tribute; Brian Wright, who has written many a blog about Peter and who has shown me so much encouragement through it all.. and also the musings of Rogier van Bakel who posted a most excellent tribute to Peter by naming his own blog "Ain't Nobody's Business.." And of course, the award-winning writer, Jennifer Brown Banks, who shares my giddy crush on Peter. Always a kind word she gives. There are other wonderful writers who have allowed me to re-post their Peter pieces; who have accepted me, and I am so grateful for all of their creative input, and kindnesses. I don't want to leave anyone out so no one is-all are thanked profusely on Peter's Page Myspace.
Peter's Page became one of the most searched sites for Peter, on Google, consistently in the top 7 for 2010. I put a lot of energy and heart into the page. This Fall, Peter's Page Facebook was born. And the daily quote page, which has helped brighten peoples' lives, I am told!
A blog, began here, to honour Peter, and a Youtube site,
as well which will soon be home to a special video tribute honouring Peter's life, bravery and works. And for those who don't already feel "Peter'ed out" yet, I wrote, "Still: A Prayer for Peter McWilliams" which is slowly but surely garnering airplay in the US and Canada. The message is simple. Educate people about Peter through song! I am very grateful to the amazing dj's that keep spinning "Still." You all know who you are because I thank you all the time. :)
I've met so many beautiful fans of Peter, too. People like giving me nicknames and the ones I have been dubbed that I love the most are: "Peter's Biographer" (thanks, Glenn!); "The Curator of the Peter McWilliams Museum (thanks Steve!) and my personal favourite, "Peter's Angel" (thanks Dave and Raj!)
Amazing when I think, this all began with a Wikipedia article about Peter. Through my tears. And at the end of 2010, all the Peter Pages I've begun are now mentioned in the same article...it's come full circle.
I am grateful for every single moment 2010 has brought. I'd like to think of 2010 as being a brilliant Renaissance; a McWilliams Movement; a Renewed Interest in all things Peter.
My goal is to help preserve, protect and promote Peter's legacy and life. And to those lovely hearts who feel I'm doing well in this endeavour, I thank you. Your passion will always propel mine.
I love Peter. And I love you.
~Julia
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The Moon and Me
Alone, I shivered, scoping the star-swept skies for signs of change. My eyes settled upon the prize.
The moon stood above me, and I felt comforted within her cocoon of silky softness.
I stood outside at a ridiculous hour to view the lunar eclipse. The last time a full lunar eclipse happened was over four hundred years ago. I didn't want to miss this one.
My neck started to speak to me; since the accident the pain has come and gone but at this inconvenient moment, the pain spoke to me with resounding force. It was then I chose not to let the pain win. I wanted this moment, and I wanted it to myself. I could not really look up at the moon very much because it hurt too much. So I ended up lying down on the cold ground with a good pair of binoculars and some calming cocoa.
Peter talks about expanding our comfort zones; and sometimes that it all might be uncomfortable. This certainly was, but I knew my discomfort was nothing compared to what I was about to witness. We have the rest of our lives to spend slumbering, why not be awake now in this moment?
I felt a little lonely. I wished I had a special one to whom I could snuggle with, closely. Someone to watch this with. But then I thought about the lessons of Peter's LOVE 101. I did not truly need someone there to be with, for I had myself. But how could I truly be lonely? The serene stars surrounding me were my friends. The sultry wind was my friend. The moon was my friend. And I knew somewhere on the brightest side of Heaven, Peter must have been watching the eclipse too. I wasn't alone at all.
I realized how lucky I was to experience this. No neighbours around for they were all slumbering sweetly in their beds. Too drowsy to delight in this spectacle. And I had this night all to myself! I owned the night.
A dark spec of charcoal swept across the Moon. Bit by bit, this charcoal colour swallowed the Moon. One tiny sliver of white light prevailed, until the Moon became crowned in crimson! What a spectacle. It stirred my senses.
My neck began speaking again. When the pain got to be too much, I thought of those who do not have the vision to see such a thing. I thought of those who are too much in pain to be able to walk outside and view such a thing. And I thought of all those cozy couples-cozy, content, but asleep and missing such a masterpiece. No dazzling ring a man could slip on my finger could ever compare to the dazzling ring around this moon! I was not lonely after all.
The joy of watching this, and sharing this experience with myself was enough. Because of Peter's writings I am learning that just me is enough. Just the moon and me.
Thank you Peter.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Peter's Words are Everywhere, Even in the Dentist's Chair!
Not one person I know ever happily exclaims, "Oh boy! I get to visit the dentist today." I have always been one of those people who cowardly cringe beneath the dentist's tools.
For those of you who don't know what "TMJ" is, well, some of us happen to grind our teeth at night. In my case I clench for dear life. Over time, that grinding causes teeth to crack, chip, not to mention your jaw might feel like some football player just head-butted you. Holistically I have tried to release my symptoms of TMJ, but just like those who need anti-depressants for depression, alas, I need, the (cue music, please) NIGHT GUARD.
I had to be fitted for one. The last time I tried this, the assistant left the room after she jammed this huge blockade of gummy gooey concrete-ish slop into my mouth. I was told to bite down and not move. And then, she left! I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was suffocating. My God, I was going to swim in my own saliva! She left the room for God knows how long, and later that day called me to tell me we had to do it again because I "moved" too much. After this wonderful experience, my comfort zone had shrunk, the size of tiny tooth floss! I was so scared. I'd rather grind my teeth to dust than to return.
(I know some of you are thinking, big deal, but those who have gone through it, totally know what I am talking about, and it is a big deal for us!)
But thanks to reading loads of Peterisms, I was finally able to return today. I chose another dentist and dental assistant. I even quoted Peter to the dentist beforehand, "Fear is something to be moved through, not to turn from" and he laughed, a knowing laugh. And even though a couple of times I gagged, and felt like I was going to beckon my breakfast, I made it through! (And besides I had a much nicer assistant who stayed with me the whole time.) I chose not to focus on this crazy clamp. Instead I chose focus upon the golden and crimson trees, the softest coolest blue sky, outside the window. You know, focus on what's right with your surroundings, as Peter wrote about. So I did. Even as I was drooling all over this monster mouth piece until they were able to make impressions of my teeth and pry the peel out of my mouth. And it went faster! And I was proud of myself!
Expanding those comfort zones one molar at a time!
...Then I was having my teeth cleaned, and the hygienist was telling me why she no longer bike rides. She had noticed I had biked to the appointment. I listened as she told me why she gave up her dreams of biking. She said it was because some woman got attacked, near her neighborhood. And she hates riding on the bike trail because weird men used to leer at her.
I thought to myself, wow, talk about shrinking comfort zones. If I ever quit riding just because someone got attacked near where I ride, I would be letting the fear win. "Weird" men leer at me all the time, but that will never stop me from biking. As I flew down the hill at 3o miles an hour I felt bad for her because I wanted her to fly again too. I felt so thankful..thankful that I had expanded my comfort zone, faced the fear again- and that even if I died biking, I would die happy, so what really is there to fear?
Goes to show you can apply Peter's words here, there, and even in the dentist's chair!
For those of you who don't know what "TMJ" is, well, some of us happen to grind our teeth at night. In my case I clench for dear life. Over time, that grinding causes teeth to crack, chip, not to mention your jaw might feel like some football player just head-butted you. Holistically I have tried to release my symptoms of TMJ, but just like those who need anti-depressants for depression, alas, I need, the (cue music, please) NIGHT GUARD.
I had to be fitted for one. The last time I tried this, the assistant left the room after she jammed this huge blockade of gummy gooey concrete-ish slop into my mouth. I was told to bite down and not move. And then, she left! I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was suffocating. My God, I was going to swim in my own saliva! She left the room for God knows how long, and later that day called me to tell me we had to do it again because I "moved" too much. After this wonderful experience, my comfort zone had shrunk, the size of tiny tooth floss! I was so scared. I'd rather grind my teeth to dust than to return.
(I know some of you are thinking, big deal, but those who have gone through it, totally know what I am talking about, and it is a big deal for us!)
But thanks to reading loads of Peterisms, I was finally able to return today. I chose another dentist and dental assistant. I even quoted Peter to the dentist beforehand, "Fear is something to be moved through, not to turn from" and he laughed, a knowing laugh. And even though a couple of times I gagged, and felt like I was going to beckon my breakfast, I made it through! (And besides I had a much nicer assistant who stayed with me the whole time.) I chose not to focus on this crazy clamp. Instead I chose focus upon the golden and crimson trees, the softest coolest blue sky, outside the window. You know, focus on what's right with your surroundings, as Peter wrote about. So I did. Even as I was drooling all over this monster mouth piece until they were able to make impressions of my teeth and pry the peel out of my mouth. And it went faster! And I was proud of myself!
Expanding those comfort zones one molar at a time!
...Then I was having my teeth cleaned, and the hygienist was telling me why she no longer bike rides. She had noticed I had biked to the appointment. I listened as she told me why she gave up her dreams of biking. She said it was because some woman got attacked, near her neighborhood. And she hates riding on the bike trail because weird men used to leer at her.
I thought to myself, wow, talk about shrinking comfort zones. If I ever quit riding just because someone got attacked near where I ride, I would be letting the fear win. "Weird" men leer at me all the time, but that will never stop me from biking. As I flew down the hill at 3o miles an hour I felt bad for her because I wanted her to fly again too. I felt so thankful..thankful that I had expanded my comfort zone, faced the fear again- and that even if I died biking, I would die happy, so what really is there to fear?
Goes to show you can apply Peter's words here, there, and even in the dentist's chair!
Monday, October 25, 2010
To Peter on His 61st Birthday (originally posted August 5th of this year)
To Peter on his 61st Birthday
August 5, 2010
Dear Peter,
Today you would have turned sixty-one years old. You lived quite a life.
You were like a vibrant pebble dancing across the water, creating bigger and bigger ripples across the pond, reaching out to more and more hurting and helpless souls who yearn for wisdom and warmth.
I'm trying so hard not to be sad that I never got the chance to meet or know you and that I knew of your existence a little too late. I feel I am failing at this endeavor.
I have the deepest feeling that wherever you are today, you are pain-free, serene, and laughing that generous laugh of yours.
People still love you Peter, they still care about you and they still apply your advice, breathe in your poetry, and cling to your causes that you held so dearly to your heart.
I'm just a young woman in the sea of so many people who have been swept away by the sands of your humanity and humble genius.
Awhile ago, I asked you to be my Guardian Angel. (What a challenge). I feel that you are watching over all of those whom you loved, and still do love.
Thank you Peter for so much. Happy Birthday wherever you may be.
I love you.
Dear Peter,
Today you would have turned sixty-one years old. You lived quite a life.
You were like a vibrant pebble dancing across the water, creating bigger and bigger ripples across the pond, reaching out to more and more hurting and helpless souls who yearn for wisdom and warmth.
I'm trying so hard not to be sad that I never got the chance to meet or know you and that I knew of your existence a little too late. I feel I am failing at this endeavor.
I have the deepest feeling that wherever you are today, you are pain-free, serene, and laughing that generous laugh of yours.
People still love you Peter, they still care about you and they still apply your advice, breathe in your poetry, and cling to your causes that you held so dearly to your heart.
I'm just a young woman in the sea of so many people who have been swept away by the sands of your humanity and humble genius.
Awhile ago, I asked you to be my Guardian Angel. (What a challenge). I feel that you are watching over all of those whom you loved, and still do love.
Thank you Peter for so much. Happy Birthday wherever you may be.
I love you.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Pre-Peter vs. Post-Peter
Pre-Peter vs. Post Peter
Pre-Peter, (or, before I discovered Peter's works), I battled chronic depression. I rarely tuned in to my own thoughts which could cripple me. What a negatron I was! Peter mentioned in his writings that he was a recovering negaholic, well I think I even had him beat.
I had visited a couple of well-meaning therapists who, bless their clueless hearts, were unable to help my helpless self. When I dove into my darkest of days, I’d scarf down some chocolate in order to desperately savor some much-needed sweetness in my life. Or, I would starve myself. Never felt worthy. Never felt pretty. The one serious boyfriend I ever had, horribly mistreated me, and I never understood all the while that I had allowed it.
Well-meaning and frustrated friends of mine would try so hard to convince me to escape this relationship, but I never listened. He left, out of his own commitment-phobia, and Peter's poetry was there to pick up the pieces of my helpless heart.
I had tried one or two "self-help" books before. Perhaps I wasn't ready to hear the message. Perhaps the author did not move me. His or her points were too muzzy for my fuzzy brain. Whatever the reason, I stayed a prisoner of my own depression.
It's amazing what a little blue book could do. Last December, You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought by Peter McWilliams burst into my life, like a sizzling comet, and I have never been the same since.
This year, I had re-united with family who never even knew I existed. I was so thrilled. I had waited all my life for this, with such high expectations which unfortunately were dashed. Pre-Peter I would have been devastated, crushed, dead inside. But since taking his advice, like avoiding people and situations that upset me, I am learning that I am better off without those empty connections and I do not allow their sour judgments of me to rob me of the pride I have in myself. If I am not accepted, I no longer beg people to like me. I simply move through and move on. Sure, I still get upset, but the level of upsetness is so much less.
All my life I craved father figures, family figures, because I felt such a void. But Peter's words helped soothe that ache. He taught me to be my own family unto my own self. (And getting to know Peter’s Mom means so much to me. I truly feel like she’s my family. She has shown me unconditional love that I never before experienced.)
I still have days where I might feel down, but those moments of being down are no longer mountains, just moments!
I am learning to be grateful everyday for simple things. I rather religiously keep a "Book of Good" (mentioned here in previous post). I especially keep this book when days seem stressful. I find this has helped my attitude immensely!
Pre-Peter, I was always getting injured. As an amateur athlete, I had weak ankles, a throbbing knee injury, I was one sloppy mess. My doctor claimed I could never run too far, because I simply wasn't "built for it." I created, allowed and promoted (as Peter calls “CPA”) each injury. I didn't believe in myself. But, through Peter's words, they inspired me so much that I went from running a couple of miles to running a full Marathon, safely! All on my own-no fancy trainer, no expensive gym. All me, while Peter's philosophies danced through my head!
Pre-Peter, my world was a whirlwind of dark drama. Post-Peter, my life has been forever changed.
A man I never got to meet has helped change my life in a way I never thought possible. So when people ask me why I spend so much time writing about a man I never got to meet, I know in my heart, in my own way, I’ve already met him.
I love you, Peter.
Pre-Peter, (or, before I discovered Peter's works), I battled chronic depression. I rarely tuned in to my own thoughts which could cripple me. What a negatron I was! Peter mentioned in his writings that he was a recovering negaholic, well I think I even had him beat.
I had visited a couple of well-meaning therapists who, bless their clueless hearts, were unable to help my helpless self. When I dove into my darkest of days, I’d scarf down some chocolate in order to desperately savor some much-needed sweetness in my life. Or, I would starve myself. Never felt worthy. Never felt pretty. The one serious boyfriend I ever had, horribly mistreated me, and I never understood all the while that I had allowed it.
Well-meaning and frustrated friends of mine would try so hard to convince me to escape this relationship, but I never listened. He left, out of his own commitment-phobia, and Peter's poetry was there to pick up the pieces of my helpless heart.
I had tried one or two "self-help" books before. Perhaps I wasn't ready to hear the message. Perhaps the author did not move me. His or her points were too muzzy for my fuzzy brain. Whatever the reason, I stayed a prisoner of my own depression.
It's amazing what a little blue book could do. Last December, You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought by Peter McWilliams burst into my life, like a sizzling comet, and I have never been the same since.
This year, I had re-united with family who never even knew I existed. I was so thrilled. I had waited all my life for this, with such high expectations which unfortunately were dashed. Pre-Peter I would have been devastated, crushed, dead inside. But since taking his advice, like avoiding people and situations that upset me, I am learning that I am better off without those empty connections and I do not allow their sour judgments of me to rob me of the pride I have in myself. If I am not accepted, I no longer beg people to like me. I simply move through and move on. Sure, I still get upset, but the level of upsetness is so much less.
All my life I craved father figures, family figures, because I felt such a void. But Peter's words helped soothe that ache. He taught me to be my own family unto my own self. (And getting to know Peter’s Mom means so much to me. I truly feel like she’s my family. She has shown me unconditional love that I never before experienced.)
I still have days where I might feel down, but those moments of being down are no longer mountains, just moments!
I am learning to be grateful everyday for simple things. I rather religiously keep a "Book of Good" (mentioned here in previous post). I especially keep this book when days seem stressful. I find this has helped my attitude immensely!
Pre-Peter, I was always getting injured. As an amateur athlete, I had weak ankles, a throbbing knee injury, I was one sloppy mess. My doctor claimed I could never run too far, because I simply wasn't "built for it." I created, allowed and promoted (as Peter calls “CPA”) each injury. I didn't believe in myself. But, through Peter's words, they inspired me so much that I went from running a couple of miles to running a full Marathon, safely! All on my own-no fancy trainer, no expensive gym. All me, while Peter's philosophies danced through my head!
Pre-Peter, my world was a whirlwind of dark drama. Post-Peter, my life has been forever changed.
A man I never got to meet has helped change my life in a way I never thought possible. So when people ask me why I spend so much time writing about a man I never got to meet, I know in my heart, in my own way, I’ve already met him.
I love you, Peter.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Peter's Advice: "Write Down the Good!" An attitude of gratitude...... :)
You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought is one of my favourite books of all time. There are so many poignant points packed into each page, here is just one.
On page 181, Peter advises us to Write Down the Good. Keep a journal...the good things you have to be grateful for each day, and the good that you do for others.
This one piece of advice has transformed my everyday life in so many ways. Here's the real challenge, at least for me! Write down a list ESPECIALLY when you're down, angry, stressed. It's so easy to be thankful when our days unfold before us like ruby roses. But on darker days, this depression buster really works for me. I always tell myself five things down a day since it's much more manageable. Then I find that it's easy to keep going! When I ride in a car, along with my friends, I ask them what five things they are grateful for on that day. At first, they wanted to clobber me for being such a well-spring of bubbling positivity. I also noticed it took forever for them to come up with things. But not anymore.
Since I hope I walk the walk, here is my list for today. It's a little bit verbose. :)
1. Riding my bicycle last night, underneath the glowing moon..riding down that huge hill at 30 mph, felt like I had wings.
2. Peter's Mom's phone call. Whenever she calls, it's a combination of Spring/Summer/Fall, all rolled into one. I leave out Winter because she's never cold.
3. Calling up the corporate headquarters of a company to commend a couple of their employees, and even the woman who answered the phone. :)
4. The fact that in this horrid economy, I have a job, a good one, that I get to do, my music, and I can help to help peoples' days brighten a little.
5. The pizza that Andy made, it was so scrumptious! MMMMM!
6. Ran a marathon on Sunday! :) Even when doctors told me I couldn't!
7. The support I get from my online friends
So what is your list? Feel free to share if you'd like :) Or just jot it down to yourself. Either way, try it, and I hope it works for you as well as it has for me!
Thank you Peter McWilliams!
note: "You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought" is still available, in print, and AWESOME! :)
On page 181, Peter advises us to Write Down the Good. Keep a journal...the good things you have to be grateful for each day, and the good that you do for others.
This one piece of advice has transformed my everyday life in so many ways. Here's the real challenge, at least for me! Write down a list ESPECIALLY when you're down, angry, stressed. It's so easy to be thankful when our days unfold before us like ruby roses. But on darker days, this depression buster really works for me. I always tell myself five things down a day since it's much more manageable. Then I find that it's easy to keep going! When I ride in a car, along with my friends, I ask them what five things they are grateful for on that day. At first, they wanted to clobber me for being such a well-spring of bubbling positivity. I also noticed it took forever for them to come up with things. But not anymore.
Since I hope I walk the walk, here is my list for today. It's a little bit verbose. :)
1. Riding my bicycle last night, underneath the glowing moon..riding down that huge hill at 30 mph, felt like I had wings.
2. Peter's Mom's phone call. Whenever she calls, it's a combination of Spring/Summer/Fall, all rolled into one. I leave out Winter because she's never cold.
3. Calling up the corporate headquarters of a company to commend a couple of their employees, and even the woman who answered the phone. :)
4. The fact that in this horrid economy, I have a job, a good one, that I get to do, my music, and I can help to help peoples' days brighten a little.
5. The pizza that Andy made, it was so scrumptious! MMMMM!
6. Ran a marathon on Sunday! :) Even when doctors told me I couldn't!
7. The support I get from my online friends
So what is your list? Feel free to share if you'd like :) Or just jot it down to yourself. Either way, try it, and I hope it works for you as well as it has for me!
Thank you Peter McWilliams!
note: "You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought" is still available, in print, and AWESOME! :)
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